scream

Back ensconced in ward 8 Bentley Hospital in my flytrap mind

At least I’m with my crazy people

Suicidal ideation with cold claws of depression around my throat

Empathy and cigarettes as I meet the gentle mental

Telling tales of trauma as we lurch toward medication time buoyed by companionship

Memories of their voices

‘She was born a heroin baby’

‘I took an overdose of Valium and a shitload of antidepressants’

‘I tried to kill myself twice’

‘I wish I was dead’

‘I tried to hang myself with a sheet and the nurse found me’

People rendered fragile by the viscous blender of earth

Some think us hopelessly broken

We balance madness and sanity in our brains sometimes madness wins

Medication time, medication time

Drugs are shuffled by doctors and dolled out to wild-eyed victims of the societal meat-grinder

Titration of pills and prescriptions to quell anxiety, depression and delusion

Uppers, downers, round and rounders

Anti-psychotics, anti-depressants and heavenly benzodiazepenes

Then we sit outside in the courtyard to smoke to punctuate our day

Sharing cigarettes with noble depressives or exploring thought projection with shamanic schizophrenics

We dance a devilish dance in a rain of paranoia

Until it all becomes too much

We are sad, we are sometimes shattered

Sometimes hard to love

But we laugh and we smile too

Then howl out the agony of our souls

We will keep trying

To get our heads together

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my_jackson_pollock_painting_by_amau41200-d4vjeut

art by jackson pollock

 

 

Curse this rotten world

Of loneliness and pain

Life just life still going on

Suffering starts again

Curse this useless life

This cancerous callous maze

Forever lost bearing the cost

Of endless bad decisions

Curse this talk of hate

Rage and rushing poison

Life like a barbed wire caresses

Death like a sensuous kiss

Curse this rotten world

A frenzy of delusion

Let all things rot inside themselves

To perfect their confusion

Curse this rotten earth

Like a harlot giving birth

Curse the threat of danger

And the fist in the face

jesus_070

Jesus,

Send me through the center of your heart

Jesus,

Tear my corpulence apart.

Jesus,

Bless my suicidal thoughts with tenderness

Jesus,

Wait with me while I’m in a mess

Jesus,

Do you forgive pedos?

Jesus,

Do you forgive me?

Jesus,

Do you forgive everyone?

No matter what they’ve done

Jesus,

What’s it like to be you

Why can’t I be like you?

Jesus,

I’m walking with you

Even if you don’t exist

Art by Aydan Lesinavicious

 

 

Blue and red darting like fireflies through the succulent eyes of hades into a central sexed ape-blend

Black outline charcoal coloured road-way riding out with one hand waving at the sky

Stripes cut a new day over the plastic scene with dreams of belonging in an oyster shell universe

Representing a place of rest or self-involvement inside quiet languorous relaxation

Where iteration and reiteration congeal into repetitive unconscious meditations

Towards the sky like missiles the tri-coloured chunks rise over the sycophantic city

Stripes pink oh purple v imploding in minds mouth like a chocolate, sunflower daydreams over an arcane confessions of love

V for victim or victory or virginity or velvet- four pronged sensational visitation

At rest and slowly radiating belonging like beer with mates at Sunday Sessions

Flesh awaiting sunshine glistening light confabulating coruscation with concentration

Sensation of triangles in intricate lounge room- they hurtle past at light speed

At rest like a sphinx transparent to gravity waves as they cross-fertilize through consciousness

Baby skin purity radiates earth-light day vibration caress and make joy of each movement

At rest like a stone Buddha covered with moss tufts

Being resplendent in personality yet enjoying being somnolent and exhibiting negative capability

Flowers of flesh tones with yellow winnowed straw marking shapes in a fluid field

Pink effusion eclipsing reason teasing out logic until we are immersed in a sea of green sentience

Perforated by green plant streams leading out into knots

Each individual a leafing stem of magical metaphors

Abstract red and white comet multiplied by desire and cutting through the universe like a sword

Red and white stripes towards the heavens angled sweetly in a holy garden

A fire place of purple light opens out into a comfortable room

White frenzy red frenzy pink frenzy infinity frenzy

Yellow splotch red wipes exploding fireworks

Thoughts of scraping and scratching

Red white and blue fireballs crashing through the ether

V for vim and vitality and vertigo as I look down from a high building

Obtuse splotching purple to pink to red haloes sweeping up sensibility

And I sit here being obvious

At rest like a leaf in a rain forest litter

 

 

depression

The crackle of clumsiness

As I attempt to communicate

While drunk as Boris Yeltsin

And only end up freaking women out

And being that creepy guy

That incel waste of space exuding desperation

When I was just trying to be friendly

And not trying

To get into their pants

Or at least trying not to think about it

Or look like I was thinking about it

After the first rejection

Comes the second

And that’s okay

It’s after the hundredth rejection in a row

When not even looking for anything sexual

That the depression really sets in

Like a cancer of the brain

train-to-beach-perth

There is a certain elegance about a train

Decimating a body without pain

Because of the speed of execution

So let us speak of terrible miserable things

Dead forever, the big black nothing looms

A skeleton with sickle all dressed in black rags

Skeletal rictus jawboning and flabberjabbering the penalties for my horrific sins

There is a certain elegance about a train

Walk down the train-track at Queens Park so the C train

Comes through like a giant bullet

Splattering and battering me to constituent molecules

Rendering unto paste

Blood frenzy and deadly destruction poisons the atmosphere

My poor parents would not cope

But I’m trying not to do it

I’m a reluctant suicide case

the-flame

 

Closing in

Fanged delusions cavort through consciousness

Viper-tongued ladies with dreams bursting fire

Wasted thoughts wending their way out from the id like fireflies out of a vortex

Stinking conceptions corruptly metastasizing all over the mind

Cancerous growth of fetid paranoia unto recurring patterns of depravity

All spiking and stabbing into possible happiness till I drown in pessimism

Closing in

Nuclear violence from North Korea lights up a possible earth

Crazy shit as usual from Trump blazing orange fury tweets

Accusers and haters surround me in a circle of derision

Closing in

Like a gigantic squeezing fist

Chaos and corruption from government cronies

Poverty encroaching everywhere virally

Neocon-Nut-jobs rattling racism like castanets

Closing in

Like gangrene up a limb by increments

 

Wedge-tailed-Eagle-ct580-580x580

Riding down the track past rippling wheat fields repeating on a singular theme again and again

Young and alive and free on ancient 120cc Yamaha

A flock of pink and grey galahs screeches and soars overhead

Racing and chasing down the farm track with a good mate

Sheep picking at stumpy feed and aimlessly following each other around like psychedelic guinea pigs

This is the land of Kangaroo and Echidna, the shivering wheat, the silo sentinels beam over our backs

We came to check a rabbit trap left the day before

And found a wedge-tailed eagle caught in the trap

Must have come in after a rabbit

A bad ass bird squawking and thrashing with talons like a velociraptor

What could we do?

Its vicious beak thrashed and gnarled the air

Scary shit!

But we managed to get a bag over its head as it thrashed

Released the wounded foot

And let it escape

A few flaps and it took off and was soon soaring high above us, piercing the sky

With a wing span of 10 feet

Awesome bird on the prowl for prey-rabbits, lambs whatever it can get

images-7

As bent as a coat-hanger poking out a cone

As twisted as leprosy wrecking vital limbs

As loaded as a road-train barrelling down a deserted highway

As wasted as a wastrel in the universal gutter

As beaten as a homeless person on a cold night

As frozen as welcome as an icy-pole in summer

As hungry as cancer devouring the body

As hurtful as a punch in the face

As piercing as bone through flesh

As miserable as a lonely fat person

As dense as paranoia in sleepless nights

As frigid as fear of dying of fright

As useless as a broken phone

To you

Shit

Posted: June 1, 2018 in poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

 

 

It’s the shit

A heavenly hit

Of newspaper madness in light blue sky

It’s a very sad thing

That sorrow brings

That makes you want to die

It’s a crush

Arcane but lush

That lets you know you’re fried

It’s in the marrow

A death that harrows

To open your insides

It’s a flatulent feat

That’s really sweet

And makes our passion slide

There’s now a beat

That vibrates my meat

And I’ll never know why