insomnia

 

When I can’t sleep random thoughts rush through my head

Sometimes sad, sometimes suicidal, sometimes silly

When I can’t sleep I try to meditate instead

Which helps a little but I still feel frustrated

When I can’t sleep I count sheep or breaths or thoughts

To try to sooth my mind and regulate my mood

When I can’t sleep I post on Facebook that I can’t sleep

To try to elicit sympathy and likes

When I can’t sleep

I grumble and groan like grumpy grandpa

And give the shits to everyone I meet

Because I get so agitated and anxious

When I can’t sleep I stay up all night listening to RTR FM

Or read a book

When I can’t sleep the cogs in my brain crunch and creaks

When I can’t sleep the beat of the blood brain barrier is deafening

When I can’t sleep I jerk off to relax

But I never do

When I can’t sleep my head feels like it’s full of glue

Which is neither strange nor new

Instead lost and askew

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depression2

There is a terrible inevitability to this day and the next

Get up, do some random shit, feel unsatisfied

Do some more shit, fantasize about unobtainable women,

Wank, feel unsatisfied

Say something stupid, feel embarrassed

Go back to bed, feel unsatisfied

Try to sleep

Fail to sleep

And suffering goes on and on

As things continue to go wrong

Everyone everywhere has their own special variety of bullshit to deal with

Tedious repetition

Iteration after iteration

Until death

trump

Trump watches Fox News all day religously in an angry zone

To decide who to bomb and who to abuse on twitter

He changes his staff runaway train rapid

To keep himself amused and the public confused and bemused

And to convince himself that chaos is action

He keeps his brain from falling out with a hairpiece and glue

And bellows bullshit till he’s bright orange

He keeps all his acolytes

Stoned on his rhetoric and tweets

He loves the low information voters

They keep him powered up like a jack in the box

So he feeds them racist dog-whistles and paranoid xenophobic ramblings

While working against their economic interests

He loves to piss off China

And suck Vladimir Putin’s Russian rod

His staff is constructed of neofacist leaching lunatics

And the whole mess gets sillier than a satanic sausage everyday l

I just hope John Bolton doesn’t tell him to bomb North Korea

And set off a worldwide shit-fight that ends us all

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Take it through the moonlight to a center of beatific wisdom in the sky

Break it through the half-light on an unfamiliar globular mass

Make it with porcelain maidens whose expressions and breasts long for consequence

And never give up never break down never surrender

Until you have made synchrony out of dust

Slake your thirst with gorgeous wines while breaking into pieces

Wake up to a blurred suggestion of being out of style with a smile

Shake up paradigms that cut and symbols that caress like feathers

Until your hands are scuffed by dirt and there is vivid imagining

Snake it down cramped pathways in search of cigarette butts

Hate it from angelic spirit beings out of hopeless obligation

Ache it in co-ordination with random out-of-touchness

Until your heart is full as an egg and you pick the right alternative

vortex

 

Through a vortex of spinning stars forming light circles- concentric tunnels rotating

A kaleidoscope evoking fallen feelings- a hall of mirrors reflecting a multiverse of images of beautiful aliens

Take me disappearing down the tube to nowhere- blatant and absorbed in self but maybe somehow cool

With no particular means of conveyance besides mind and passions remembered in jackhammer japes

With no dead density of delusions besides the naturally paranoid- each arcane moment replays then fades

Animus assails me as I blunder down life’s crooked path of unpredictability- random rivers of events ebb and flow

Hyper hijinks shatter depression and good companions ease the path towards the sunset of death

Hurricane love is a daydream  that echoes through brain like ripples in a pond – opening out into flagrant blooms of neurotransmitters

 

Implicit conversations and traumatic tattling down octopus internet meme war bubbles

No sleep without dreaming almost believing never conceiving what might be afoot

No more Mogadon madness from depths of sleep

Feeling artificial like a plastic rose

Plumbing the interior and finding deadly dirt

Caressed by Abilify to chill the mood icicle cold

Catch enthusiasm from air like moths

Magnify good vibes

And to never wilt

Persist

depression

Too much hate

Too much pain

Not enough love

Suffering again

 

Too many victims

Too many lies

Fucked up system

Innocence fried

 

More misery drifts in

Like acid rain

Eating out the body

No memory remains

 

Sinking in self pity

Feeling like a creep

Can’t take it anymore

Yet again can’t sleep

 

How much longer

Enveloped in dirt

Sunk below a graveyard

At least it doesn’t hurt

 

andromeda

 

Plasma churns and burns

In the heart of a heavenly star

Heating random worlds

Kindling transformations

Rocks and cratered dirt

In an unfashionable agglomeration

At the edge of the Andromeda galaxy

Glitter on black velvet

And on a nearby living planet aliens peer into sky

As if it has something in it’s teeth

And I am looking back through a kaleidoscope

From the outer Milky Way

Stoned and silly-serious

Trying to work out what it all means

If anything at all

Trying to puzzle out a pattern from disparate signals

We are the stuff of stars

We are transcendent and tremendous

We are the crap of the cosmos

 

 

zuckerberg

Facebook what bullshit bat-shaped insanity have you got for me today?

Facebook how many of these  random people do I really know?

Facebook why do all these women in their underwear want to be my friend?

Facebook I love your pictures of piggelies and politics

Facebook I love your pictures of ganja

Facebook I love your churning bubbles of news and opinion

Facebook you’re losing the younger generation because their parents are spying on them

Facebook I’m sick of your ads and fake news

But I can’t give you up

How can I stay mad at you?

When you seem to know me so well

With your algorithms you structure my news feed to keep me amazed and astonished

You give me a thousand imaginary friends

You give me a place to show off my poems

You give me the illusion of sociability

Oh Facebook feed you feed me crap but some of it is cool

Oh Facebook feed you fondle me with likes

Oh Facebook feed you massage my ego with comments

Facebook you may be fading away

But you’re still amusing

barnaby

Barnaby your wife and daughters know all about it now

Do you think she wants your wrinkled old cock?

You beetroot man

Boofhead

Bounder

Bum-hole

Barnaby, you said gay people couldn’t get married because of morality

Barnaby you said girls shouldn’t be vaccinated because it will make them promiscuous

What about your ethics Barnaby?

 

Barnaby your rich friend is paying for your love-nest

Barnaby you pick on the unemployed and the poor all the time

Barnaby you’re a hopeless case

Barnaby you’re a lecherous old bastard

Barnaby you’re a random unit

Barnaby you’re a troubling spectacle

Barnaby you’re a salacious news item

Barnaby you’re a political shit-storm

Barnaby you’re not even a farmer

Barnaby it’s time to go.

lsd

 

Fine Art student party in the nineties

Innovative art on the walls

They might all end up unemployed but they know how to party

Everyone was on acid

Gold keys

And there was a back room with glowing star stickers

So you could pretend you were God looking out over the universe.

I started to freak out

And saw a thousand foot high monster with hundreds and hundreds of eyes

The fear set in

Paranoia crawled up my spine for a while

But then I mellowed out a bit

And had a good time

The trick

Is never to think

I shouldn’t have taken that fucking trip