Lower-Back-Pain

So I was making wedges by cutting up potatoes, then frying them in the frying pan
Once the wedges were brown I covered them in vinegar and chicken salt
They were delicious—I ate them in the strainer
I spilled some oil out of the chips onto the floor
Simply thought to myself—what a dumb-ass— and went on eating
The rest of the night I was watching crap on TV
And scratching my balls as I drifted into a semi-somnambulant state
Then about 2 o’clock in the morning I stood up to go to the loo and my feet slipped on the oil
Time slowed down and stretched as my legs splayed in opposite direction
I landed on my ass on the unyielding concrete floor
It was like being penetrated by an electrified dildo
A terrible shot-gun pain fired up my spine and all over my back like razor wire grating the bone
I felt like someone was hacking into my back with an axe
My knee was fucked and painful too
I thought to myself- that’s it, I’m fucked- I’ve slipped a disc
I can’t walk and somehow drag myself to bed in agony
In the early morning I call my Dad, who comes over and calls an ambulance as I can’t get out of bed
They give me the magic anaesthetic whistle to suck on, and we eventually managed to get me to the ambulance
In hospital the highlight was some oxycodone—a most satisfying opiate that made me feel a little goofy and sucked away my pain
Then, as soon as I could demonstrate that I could walk, I was sent home because all the x-rays were negative.
It was muscular.

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