Posts Tagged ‘agony’

scream

Back ensconced in ward 8 Bentley Hospital in my flytrap mind

At least I’m with my crazy people

Suicidal ideation with cold claws of depression around my throat

Empathy and cigarettes as I meet the gentle mental

Telling tales of trauma as we lurch toward medication time buoyed by companionship

Memories of their voices

‘She was born a heroin baby’

‘I took an overdose of Valium and a shitload of antidepressants’

‘I tried to kill myself twice’

‘I wish I was dead’

‘I tried to hang myself with a sheet and the nurse found me’

People rendered fragile by the viscous blender of earth

Some think us hopelessly broken

We balance madness and sanity in our brains sometimes madness wins

Medication time, medication time

Drugs are shuffled by doctors and dolled out to wild-eyed victims of the societal meat-grinder

Titration of pills and prescriptions to quell anxiety, depression and delusion

Uppers, downers, round and rounders

Anti-psychotics, anti-depressants and heavenly benzodiazepenes

Then we sit outside in the courtyard to smoke to punctuate our day

Sharing cigarettes with noble depressives or exploring thought projection with shamanic schizophrenics

We dance a devilish dance in a rain of paranoia

Until it all becomes too much

We are sad, we are sometimes shattered

Sometimes hard to love

But we laugh and we smile too

Then howl out the agony of our souls

We will keep trying

To get our heads together

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Lower-Back-Pain

So I was making wedges by cutting up potatoes, then frying them in the frying pan
Once the wedges were brown I covered them in vinegar and chicken salt
They were delicious—I ate them in the strainer
I spilled some oil out of the chips onto the floor
Simply thought to myself—what a dumb-ass— and went on eating
The rest of the night I was watching crap on TV
And scratching my balls as I drifted into a semi-somnambulant state
Then about 2 o’clock in the morning I stood up to go to the loo and my feet slipped on the oil
Time slowed down and stretched as my legs splayed in opposite direction
I landed on my ass on the unyielding concrete floor
It was like being penetrated by an electrified dildo
A terrible shot-gun pain fired up my spine and all over my back like razor wire grating the bone
I felt like someone was hacking into my back with an axe
My knee was fucked and painful too
I thought to myself- that’s it, I’m fucked- I’ve slipped a disc
I can’t walk and somehow drag myself to bed in agony
In the early morning I call my Dad, who comes over and calls an ambulance as I can’t get out of bed
They give me the magic anaesthetic whistle to suck on, and we eventually managed to get me to the ambulance
In hospital the highlight was some oxycodone—a most satisfying opiate that made me feel a little goofy and sucked away my pain
Then, as soon as I could demonstrate that I could walk, I was sent home because all the x-rays were negative.
It was muscular.

madonna
Hungry wind blows out from the festering grave
Weird meat on nauseating display
Love’s innocent wife is summer bright
She wears a stiff white linen dress and her breasts are bared
She suckles a grown man on nipple opiates

The wounded wind growls and wife weeps
Hot nerves at the base of her spine
Her body in rebellion
In need of rock-chested grace

Drifting sands blast across dead shrubs
Ruin lurches across the land
All around the crooked couple
The burning sand-grains sculpt meat so strong their blast

Her eyelids are dazzled with tears
Which run down her face like two sad and noble rivers
She does not love the man
She does not like the man
Lightning dissects the sky
Then thunder like the gods dropping furniture

Perversion, perversion no baby at the breast
Just the pulsing suck of the man with a murderous tongue getting high on nipple opiates
She stands on a rock available for all to see
With a naked man hanging from her breast like a bat

Depraved Madonna with hairy child
Coupled, corrupted and suffering
The man applies greater suction
The bride groans with electric agony as he drains her dry