Posts Tagged ‘alpha’


I’m the sneaky piggely

I always steal the capsicum

And when the big alpha piggelys come

I pretend to be retarded


I’m the sneaky piggely

I pretend to be normal but it never works

And when the big alpha piggleys come

I pretend to be dead


I’m the sneaky piggely

I steal the corn leaves and hide in a box

And none of you big alpha piggelys are going to stop me

‘Cos I pretend to be sad


I’m the sneaky piggely

I’m disabled and dysfunctional

Please love me alpha piggely

I wish I knew more tricks


I’ve always been a fat guy

Don’t know if it’s what I eat or my metabolism or both

Never had much luck with the ladies

Never been a player

Never been alpha

You orbit above me like a distant star

Radiant beauty, forbidden love

Wonderful woman divine angel

I dream of your caress like rose petals

I dream of your breasts like mangos

I dream of your lips like pomegranates

But I understand that I am not attractive to you

So I’ll be happy with the friendzone


I wish I was a real man

Like those guys on American Restoration

I wish I was more Nick Cave and less Clive Palmer

I wish I could drink all night and throw up in the morning like Bukowski

But I’m not a badass

I’m not alpha

I lack the social skills to pick up women in a bar

I lack the drive to dominate and subjugate

I have a feeling I lack testosterone

Can men and women really be friends?

Just because you want to fuck someone

Doesn’t mean you don’t respect them

In fact you probably respect them more through idealisation

Imagining them on a pedestal

Beautiful unobtainable woman

Forever in my mind

I’d be happy with the friendzone

Just to spend some time in your orbit

Gorgeous bodacious babe


Your boyfriend thinks Matchbox Twenty are cool
Your boyfriend thinks Nickelback are cool
Your boyfriend doesn’t know who Iggy Pop is
Your boyfriend killed Kurt Cobain

Your boyfriend is excellent at sport
Your boyfriend thinks Bryce Courtenay is a good writer
Your boyfriend votes for Tony Abbot
Your boyfriend has very high testosterone levels

Your boyfriend likes to subjugate other people
Your boyfriend gets into fights when he’s pissed
Your boyfriend is a macho dominant asshole
Your boyfriend is the type of dickhead who beat me up at school

Your boyfriend is going to beat you if you marry him
If you didn’t give it up to him he would probably rape you
And is probably raping other women
Right now

Your boyfriend has a six pack
Your boyfriend has muscles on his muscles on his muscles
Your boyfriend is cheating on you with a stripper
Your boyfriend is a dominant alpha male

Your boyfriend is a dildo-brain
Your boyfriend is a dick-brain
Your boyfriend is a condom-brain
Your boyfriend is a butt-plug-brain

Your boyfriend is a racist, a sexist, and a homophobe
Your boyfriend is an embodiment of Patriarchy
But you’ll never know it because he hides it well
With his excellent social manipulation skills

Your boyfriend thinks drugs are for mugs
Your boyfriend drinks Bourbon and coke
Your boyfriend thinks that women belong in the kitchen
But he wouldn’t say that to you

Your boyfriend makes football players look like feminists
Your boyfriend can only feel aggression or lust and shuts out all other emotions
Your boyfriend beats his meat to pictures of horses fucking
Your boyfriend exudes toxic masculinity

Your boyfriend likes to fist cows
Your boyfriend sucks on sadism sauce
Your boyfriend has balls of brass and an iron plated ass
Your boyfriend has nostrils of plastic and ceramic eyebrows

Your boyfriend always has to be on top
Your boyfriend doesn’t believe in foreplay
Your boyfriend has a mundane cock
Your boyfriend lasts for two minutes

Your boyfriend is covered in soft green nylon fur
Your boyfriend has potassium kneecaps like rubber bands and an origami sphincter
Your boyfriend has helium cheek bones and a cucumber up his ass
Your boyfriend has plasticine gonads and porcelain ear lobes

Your boyfriend doesn’t act like an asshole in front of you because he wants to fuck you
And every time you fuck him you reinforce and validate his behaviour
And every time you fuck him his ego and bloated self-esteem get bigger
So that he can kick the shit out of anyone weaker than him
And oppress everyone who meets him


Posted: February 1, 2015 in poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

From when boys are very young
We’re told by our peers and our parents and the media soaked culture:
Don’t be a girl
Don’t be like them
And we don’t know how wonderful a girl is.
Who wouldn’t want to be like that?
And when we’re older the macho men ask us as they pin us to the wall:
Are you a fag?
Hey fag, is that your boyfriend?
You fucking loser!
Soft cock!
You’re letting the team down by not being a real man.
Well are you a man?
Are you?
Do you want to feel nothing but anger and hate for anyone different to you?
Do you want to use violence and the threat of violence to solve all your problems?
Do you want to learn to fight and play football?
Toxic masculinity
Stupid women dig it
Be a badass mother-fucker
People will respect you
Be one of the boys
And the pack of dominant males won’t beat you up so much
Perhaps they’ll even accept you
As an offering on the altar of suburban sentiment
Whatever you do, don’t cry
Don’t think too much and never reveal your emotions
You won’t have to be afraid
You won’t be like a girl
You won’t be like a woman
You won’t be like a blackfella
You won’t be like a gay person
People will take you seriously
Your bullshit matters
Because you’re a straight white man
And everyone else can go fuck themselves