Posts Tagged ‘cancer’

depression

The crackle of clumsiness

As I attempt to communicate

While drunk as Boris Yeltsin

And only end up freaking women out

And being that creepy guy

That incel waste of space exuding desperation

When I was just trying to be friendly

And not trying

To get into their pants

Or at least trying not to think about it

Or look like I was thinking about it

After the first rejection

Comes the second

And that’s okay

It’s after the hundredth rejection in a row

When not even looking for anything sexual

That the depression really sets in

Like a cancer of the brain

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As bent as a coat-hanger poking out a cone

As twisted as leprosy wrecking vital limbs

As loaded as a road-train barrelling down a deserted highway

As wasted as a wastrel in the universal gutter

As beaten as a homeless person on a cold night

As frozen as welcome as an icy-pole in summer

As hungry as cancer devouring the body

As hurtful as a punch in the face

As piercing as bone through flesh

As miserable as a lonely fat person

As dense as paranoia in sleepless nights

As frigid as fear of dying of fright

As useless as a broken phone

To you

loneliness2

Understand the solitary man
Burnt out tree lost in a forest of loneliness
Pebble under an infinite mountain
He puts on a mellow album
Smokes a couple of cones
Lights mandarin flavoured incense
Stares at the dirty plates and empty drink bottles surrounding him and recoils at how dirty the coffee table is
Considers doing the washing
Considers moving the dirty plates to the kitchen
Doesn’t move

His mental soliloquy:
“Oh my filth, my precious filth
No-one can tell me to clean up
At least I know where things are
Oh God ,I’m getting fat
My back aches when I walk
I’m going to die alone in a rented room
From a heart attack or lung cancer
Or I’ll get diabetes and someone will chop off my leg”

Paranoia, paranoia most foul in lonely rooms all over the world where excess men who nobody wants live out their pathetic lives
His personal space is small
No-one wants to invade it
His dreams are always full of women
But his life is empty of them
Too depressed to jerk off but soaked in longing
Waiting for death
Understand the solitary man

a-new-heaven-and-a-new-earth

Rapacious corrupting cancer of the throat
Metastasized and devouring the poor bloke in at least ten different body parts
He shrinks into a corpse-like shell on an old chair- waiting for death
At three in the afternoon he arises from his dead-weight slumber and says
‘It’s time’
When he stops breathing, the whole room is suffused with light
Pale blue refracted through infinite white light purer than sunlight
Soaring angel music constructs crystalline castles of cold beauty
Music beautiful beyond words
His soul leaves his body, enters the arms of cerrubim
And begins ascension to Jesus
As angels fall and rise down a heavenly staircase singing Hallujah
He says good-bye to this world of tears and suffering