Posts Tagged ‘crazy’

scream

Back ensconced in ward 8 Bentley Hospital in my flytrap mind

At least I’m with my crazy people

Suicidal ideation with cold claws of depression around my throat

Empathy and cigarettes as I meet the gentle mental

Telling tales of trauma as we lurch toward medication time buoyed by companionship

Memories of their voices

‘She was born a heroin baby’

‘I took an overdose of Valium and a shitload of antidepressants’

‘I tried to kill myself twice’

‘I wish I was dead’

‘I tried to hang myself with a sheet and the nurse found me’

People rendered fragile by the viscous blender of earth

Some think us hopelessly broken

We balance madness and sanity in our brains sometimes madness wins

Medication time, medication time

Drugs are shuffled by doctors and dolled out to wild-eyed victims of the societal meat-grinder

Titration of pills and prescriptions to quell anxiety, depression and delusion

Uppers, downers, round and rounders

Anti-psychotics, anti-depressants and heavenly benzodiazepenes

Then we sit outside in the courtyard to smoke to punctuate our day

Sharing cigarettes with noble depressives or exploring thought projection with shamanic schizophrenics

We dance a devilish dance in a rain of paranoia

Until it all becomes too much

We are sad, we are sometimes shattered

Sometimes hard to love

But we laugh and we smile too

Then howl out the agony of our souls

We will keep trying

To get our heads together

the-flame

 

Closing in

Fanged delusions cavort through consciousness

Viper-tongued ladies with dreams bursting fire

Wasted thoughts wending their way out from the id like fireflies out of a vortex

Stinking conceptions corruptly metastasizing all over the mind

Cancerous growth of fetid paranoia unto recurring patterns of depravity

All spiking and stabbing into possible happiness till I drown in pessimism

Closing in

Nuclear violence from North Korea lights up a possible earth

Crazy shit as usual from Trump blazing orange fury tweets

Accusers and haters surround me in a circle of derision

Closing in

Like a gigantic squeezing fist

Chaos and corruption from government cronies

Poverty encroaching everywhere virally

Neocon-Nut-jobs rattling racism like castanets

Closing in

Like gangrene up a limb by increments

 

facebook

Facebook friend requests from robot women

Delete request, this is not an active profile

There is nothing profound about my lifestyle

Overcome by Trump tweets and dead meat daydreams

Overwhelmed by tortuous thoughts

Tangled up in monitoring breath for peace

Tortured by paranoid delusions of greatness

Tormented by Malcom Turnbull’s hopeless tissue-thin government

Tempted by tugging to lesbian porn

Don’t bow down submissively

Don’t surrender to fear

Don’t let the effort faze you

Don’t leave me hanging in cold moonlight

Don’t dance like a dildo in sensual twilight

Born blessed by an agnostic God

Born crazy-silly in a serious world

easy

 

Take it easy man
No need for crippling shenanigans
No need to shake your bits at women in hats
Or post a picture of your ass to the queen
No need to ramble incoherently in alleyways
Or fulminate at the news
Take it easy man
There has to be an answer to these frenzied puzzle pieces
There has to be a rational reason for the madness
There has to be purpose in fractal craziness
There has to be something meaningful lurking under the beer mats
Or it would be nice if there was something meaningful
Take it easy man
I suspect there is nothing but acres of no purpose
And piles of inconsequential rambling
If you look deeply into the house of mirrors that we call life
And stroke yourself sufficiently
You will realize that your existence is a fart in the breeze

 

police-accident-3-15-2011-0031

Sometime in the early 2000s
I was running my own business messing with people’s brains
Playing with the brains of crazy people to make them feel better
I convinced a very senile psychiatrist
To prescribe me dexamphetamines
Once I got them I was pretty stoked
When I ate a lot my brain started whizzing and whirring
Speeding off my head for months and very happy to lose some weight
They had an unfortunate side-effect of making really horny and desperate for love
It sucked having a boner and nothing to do with it
So I chased any woman who crossed my path and really started to get a bit out of control
Of course, despite chemical enhancement I was getting nowhere
My predatory sexuality had become a big worry
I was starting to look a women with a razor-wire mind, seeing them only as objects

So a smart woman warned me I was creepy and put up with being a friend to guide me
One time I was over at my smart friend’s house
She gave me ten clonazepam
Which probably wasn’t smart
Thinking I was a badass I ate them all
Then I tried to drive home
Too many benzos are not good for driving
What happened is a whirligig blur of lights and cars
Then I ran into the back of a cop car
Writing off my precious little pulsar
While stoned out of my gourd
I have no memory of how it happened

Anyway they busted my ass and took me for a blood test
Which didn’t find the benzos
But did find a shit-load of THC
As I was smoking like Bob Marley in those days
Still do
Done for driving under the influence of drugs and dangerous driving
I got a three thousand dollar fine which took ages to pay off
And banned from driving for a year
I lost my license
I lost my business
And my dignity
So I’ve not bothered to get a license again as it just seems to lead to trouble
I’m a terrible driver and it’s now been so long I’d have to take the test again
So that’s why I don’t drive

Pegasus_

I am riding Pegasus the winged white horse
Sired by Poseidon and birthed by the gorgon Medusa
Ears pinned back by vortex speed and kaleidoscope visions
Faster than sound, faster than light, faster than consciousness
Then we arrive on an island in the Pacific

There is a coral reef a hundred metres off
Waves break like curtains falling in the middle distance
Coconut palms, scent of the suggestive sea
High over sea gulls squawk and spiral
The water is almost flat, darker green further out
It laps the shore quietly

Pegasus whinnies
I hop back on his back and we are off again at hyper-speed
Watching the world whizz by like a fast-forwarded film
One object blurring into the other until there is just a mandala of colours
Then we are in Egypt at the weathered face of the sphinx
It’s expression inscrutable but no less mysterious for that
Ancient and crumbling
Old wisdom messaging the present
The sun is horrendously hot and I begin to sweat
Pegasus rears up on his hind legs and flaps his wings

Back on and I am taken to the house of a poet
He is starving
He is hanging out for a shot of smack
He is typing till his fingers bleed
He is smoking cigarette butts he’s picked off the street
His eyes are blood-shot and googly crazy
And he is one of many
We will visit this night

Crazy with a straitjacket in a Psychiatric

I wonder what it would be like to have a wife
I wonder this a lot until the meme eats into my brain and repeats continuously
What would it be like
What would it be like
To have someone to listen to my bullshit
And tell me that everything will be okay when I’m depressed
Someone to tell me that she loves me when it seems like rabid wookies are at the door
When the schizophrenics gibber and the bipolars polarize
When the autistics discuss their interests and the learning disabled drool
She would be there for me
When the dominant males preen and the poets dream
When the vicious harridans howl and the posers pontificate
She would be there for me
Every person needs a companion
Say the cold fingers of genetic fate around my throat
My soul screams for unity in togetherness
My soul howls for love

If I had a wife
I would insert the words ‘my wife’ into myriad sentences
Like women always insert the words ‘my boyfriend’ or ‘my husband’ when they’re talking to me
Just so I think they’re taken whether they’re single or not and I don’t have a chance in hell
I’d say things like
My wife has a stomach ache
and
My wife loves to eat peaches
or
My wife is a divine angel of pure light and her breasts smell like strawberries
or
My wife gave me a most excellent blow-job this morning and now the whole universe sparkles with possibilities

Somewhere between divine and human
Loved forever no matter how much this crazy world longs for the abyss
She will be my soul mate and my partner in crime
My dearest confidante and my gorgeous honey-darling
My antithesis and my synthesis
I wonder if she’s out there now
Locked up in some kafkaesque insane asylum tied down on a stretcher, overdosing on anti-psychotics
I might channel Sean Connery’s James Bond and go and rescue her
If only I knew where she was
Or if she even exists

earth

Wonder at the Earth- a jewel in black velvet space
Sea blue globe with swirling clouds like ripped gauze
Stars pinpricking light into my eyes
Each one a sun, maybe with planets rotating around in an ancient spin
Each one a whole encompassing reality for it’s inhabitants
And cryptic crazy aliens meeting my gaze across the cosmos with greenish translucent skin and feet like frogs
Each one of us living out the meaningless tedium of life
Buoyed by intermittent bursts of serendipity and joy
Overwhelmed by emotions at times
Like tidal waves crashing on sandy shores
We must hold them in and then forget them
Oh to be free of this puzzle box life
Stuck on the Earth with all the other suffering beings
I dream of whirling my brain through galaxies and nebulas,
Dodging black-holes, spiralling across the universe
A spirit on axis grokking the cosmic light at hyper-speed
Hold my hand while we encompass each flaming star
And dance with me my darling, as time bends around us

bowie
Ah the transcendent bastardry of life
The way a wonderful woman is always over the horizon and unobtainable
The way jealously poisons friendship
The way pretension ruins talent
The way everything reduces to blood, spit and unfulfilled desires
The way ugly old people always look so sad
The way youth festers and crumbles into middle aged mediocrity
The way my younger brother died of unknown causes in Laos
The way the Star-man never descends from the sky to take us away from this painful earth
The way David Bowie is dead
The way I can’t tell the crazy from the sane
The way the stars are pin-cushioning my brain
The way the voices of hell are in my head
The way I lie each night in an empty bed
The way it is not the way I want Universe to be
But maybe the problem is me

peoplewithoutfaces

People without faces
Blank walls of skin interrogating my rickshaw brain
Photo-flash of blood-rivers
Pus oozes from under a scab
Madness tastes like chocolate
Howl against the moonlight sensuously senselessly
Blue-white bloated corpses floating in stagnant water
Open eyes, blank and dumb, stare into infinity

People without faces
Paranoia seeps under the door and over the floor
Skeletal hand on my shoulder squeezes
I’ve got the fear
Atmosphere poisoned and festering
No way to realign my brain-cells into some orderly pattern
Drowning in terror
Too many crazy moons
Watch out Amygdala!
Satan lurks with asylum eyes, horns of brass and teeth like scalpels
A shark waiting to devour souls

People without faces
Icicles of bone
Piles of skulls
Crackle of schizo-affectation
Crinkled miasma in an empty room
Inch deep dust in a crypt
Fester, fester further down the road to death