Posts Tagged ‘empty’

Gone

Posted: October 7, 2017 in poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

michelle

And now you’re gone

And I didn’t expect you to go so quickly

And you were such a caring loving lady

With such a good heart

And I wish we could have worked it out

So I could have save you

But I couldn’t save you

You seemed to want to go

And now you’re gone

And the world seems empty

Pretty girl with cats’ eyes

Now you’re gone forever

schizophrenia_ss_56739238_082613-617x416-300x202

I’ve been having feelings
Feelings I can’t put into words
If they are feelings
Not words
And they don’t come
All at once
But in instants,
Momentary lapses
Quieter than breathing
Seeming non-existent
Not becoming
No names or motions
Not God or air
Not normal
Not decent
I’ve been having feelings
Blind bat-like
Leather death thoughts
Esoteric nothings
Worrying particularly when stoned
No meaning
Feeling empty
Then they stopped
After a couple of weeks
I’m still not sure
What they meant

 

messy-room

 

Beer bottles of yesterday’s binges are spread out on the floor like dead soldiers on a battlefield
War against sobriety was waged and won
My chair is festering in guinea pig piss
The kitchen is a hurricane nightmare
My coffee table is rotting in ash and memory
Filled with all my essentials so they are easily at hand
Cigarette butts overflow in the ashtray
There also parts of old newspapers, chip-packets and empty orange juice bottles all over the place
Quite a few energy drink cans and some empty beer bottles
It’s a fucking mess
But it’s my mess damn-it

christ
Twist a string of beads
Around a witch’s waist
Build a crappy tent of bulbous bones
Against the rabid rain

Which pelts poison in your brain
And soon drives you electrically insane
Nerve toxins in the neurons
Birthing paralytic rictus
And quasi simian spasticity

Beat a rubber eel upon a warlock’s wobbly bits
Signify a morbid mountain of madness
Spit upon the surfaces of suppurating melancholy
Dance into the crack within the nothing
Like a stoned fool on smack
They’ll never want you back
Until all is black as boots and empty

Taste a poxy potion of hallucinatory mushrooms
See Christ crucified with the head of a Beast
See the many horns and eyes of the beast
See the real Christ crucified in pulsating pain
See the wood of the cross multiplying across Europe
See the Shroud of Tourin photocopying a saviour
See Christ crucified on every tree
And every tree a Bible
See towering cathedrals of light hidden from mortal retinas
Fractal kaleidoscopic sun structures of infinite intricacy
Bedazzling and befuddling desperately then
Faces without eyes emerge from the void
Like fungus growing from a corpse

Flashes of spark-light phosphorescence against the windows of the skull
Mad carousing reptiles wrap their bodies around a totem pole
Wood hacked to grinning skulls piled to heaven vertical
Fire flickers and the children of light dance their circle
Drums beat a rumbling rhythm that hypnotizes
Summoning old Spirits to bring in a new age

succubus_full

languidly he lies in bed
triumphant conquests history
sweaty nights of frenzied sleeplessness
alone in an empty bed with his filth
inside hollow inside dead
shit-stained sheets
cum-stained doona
morbid laughter lines of sorrow in sheet wrinkles
gallons of insomnia
rivers of awakening
a presence at the end of the bed sits pensively
incubus succubus
dead within and without
translucent spirit
crouching to pounce lasciviously
and assimilate
sleep-body to ghost-particles
the horror
translate to intricate aramaic utterances
the horror
sucking out the sauce of life
vacuum soul ether-pump frenzy then
dead-weight adorns the rotten mattress
bloated corspse-flesh
decomposing to maggot-mush
and onward unto bone
once again alone

loneliness2

Understand the solitary man
Burnt out tree lost in a forest of loneliness
Pebble under an infinite mountain
He puts on a mellow album
Smokes a couple of cones
Lights mandarin flavoured incense
Stares at the dirty plates and empty drink bottles surrounding him and recoils at how dirty the coffee table is
Considers doing the washing
Considers moving the dirty plates to the kitchen
Doesn’t move

His mental soliloquy:
“Oh my filth, my precious filth
No-one can tell me to clean up
At least I know where things are
Oh God ,I’m getting fat
My back aches when I walk
I’m going to die alone in a rented room
From a heart attack or lung cancer
Or I’ll get diabetes and someone will chop off my leg”

Paranoia, paranoia most foul in lonely rooms all over the world where excess men who nobody wants live out their pathetic lives
His personal space is small
No-one wants to invade it
His dreams are always full of women
But his life is empty of them
Too depressed to jerk off but soaked in longing
Waiting for death
Understand the solitary man

most-beatiful-women-08

The bush eats a woman and a maggot full of blood
Dead beaten body murdered for love
Eyes on the pus and the crack of the bone
Never will, ever will be so alone

Dead to the world and dead to all thought
Dead to the oceans of pain that she felt
Now she is empty but also free
Nothing but a vapour on the menacing sea

The bush eats a woman and a maggot full of blood
Ready for, ready for, horny for love
Dead broken bodies on a moribund street
Pain for salvation so slutty you must eat

Heads shaped so holy to scrape against God
Harridan half-steps in search of being odd
Half eaten monsters lurk inside your brain
It can never, it can never, it can never be the same

Sylvia, Anne, rot with me now
So the body tells the body it is dying somehow
Rape me in the moonlight with penetrating bone
No I’ve never, no I’ve never felt so alone

Mobile_CellPhone_Infos

Crack bone upon your mobile phone
Come out of sky-scraping Satanic towers of Moloch and Mammon
Do a silly, sunlit dance like an insane drunken hobo all over the moribund urban streets
Moon the captains of industry, reptile lawyer-monsters and asshole accountants
Live your life by dream language and weird associations
Paint the sky psychedelic rainbow colours of love
In your life’s roller disco
Send messages of peace and hope down the new song-lines of the suburbs
And bless each moment with love

Do we all need to be lost strangers in poison empty rooms?
Can we reach out and love our neighbours
Even the guy who stole mobile phone
Even those who beat me, ridiculed me and shaved my head
It’s complicated
Making connections,
Forming a friendship network for socially awkward people and weirdo poets
Does everything have to be so desperate and lonely?
Tear off the shroud of suffering and rise to new psychic energy.
So a new day of compassion and empathy may begin

Depression-1364630455-842-640x480

Sometimes the worst feeling is no feeling at all
Five days past sad
Staring at walls
Struck numb and dumb by the awfulness of it all
A desperate infinite fall
Empty of all passion
Far from compassion
Reamed out shell like an insect exoskeleton
Full of nothing
Void of love
Vegetable man
Hollow, hollow
Without purpose
Dead inside and desolate
No meaning can be formed from a mass of contradictory sensations
No drive or energy
Like a fucked up old shell of a car
Can’t get out of bed
And when a friend asks how I’m doing
I stare into the vast panoply of human suffering
And can only answer
‘I don’t know’