Posts Tagged ‘illness’

the-she-wolf

Twisted down and broken

Maddened and unopened

I take my time

Mired in slime

From the moment

Into the meat of each echo of the moment

 

Howling bone

Couple of cones

Dead weight daydreams

Silent death screams

Being gentle with myself

Cut out the super-critical conscience

Look at the evidence for negative self-talk

Rest and let the spirit run

Through fields of daffodils

Like a stallion

shaman-1

Always madness knocking at the door
Unmedicated schizophrenics sucking up my time
Rambling to themselves while staring in the mirror
Muttering inflammatory rhetoric and racism
Denying that they have any mental illness
Telling me that the CIA and the NBN are reading their brainwaves
Telling me that there are messages for them in the ads in X-presss
Telling me that the whole planet is being monitored and controlled by the Masons
Convinced that their medication is poison

But these are God’s children
And we must love them no matter how annoying they may be
In tribal societies they would be shaman
With one foot in the spirit world and one foot in reality
Hearing spirit voices and interpreting them for the tribe
Going on mystic journeys accompanied by spirit animals
Speaking in poetry
Mystifying and incandescent

We used to fill them full of anti-psychotics and sit them in corner
Increasingly now they roam free
Sometimes mystifying and inspiring, sometimes annoying and repetitive
Sometimes even dangerous to themselves or others
But they definitely make the world a more interesting place

heroinneedles

Victoria Park, early 2000s
I bullshit my way into a job in a drug rehab clinic
Schizoaffective poly-drug abusers
Manic depressive heroin addicts
Just plain depressive heroin addicts with a dash of PTSD
Lashings of ADHD criminals, usually on speed
All manner of benzodiazepine addicts
Benzodiazepines are the nastiest
Seizures if you go into withdrawal
There was one guy on sixty Valiums a day
All of them caught up in a spider web of chemical obligation and craving
Variables in the obscure calculus of tolerance and addiction
None of them ever thought they’d be addicts
Almost all have not two but four or five diagnoses- substance abuse and several psychiatric conditions
Never met a junkie without a mental illness
Eighty percent of them have hepatitis C
So many junkies continuously bitching and whinging
And no-one bitches and whinges like a junkie
Track Marks on arms and brain-stem
Paranoia
Depression
Delusions
No sleep
No hope
Voices telling them to kill themselves
Sexually abused by their fathers
All medicating their pain with drugs
And when you hear their stories
You don’t blame them

Their movements are wasted and agitated
Everything directs their minds to a continual craving
Desperation reeking, sneaking in and permeating the whole clinic
So much need, so much suffering, so much trauma
Endless longing for all manner of pharmaceuticals
To fill the vortex-hole in their souls

Half human-half corpses
Pinpoint-pupil eyes
Flickering about
A stream of lies on their tongues
They’d kick smack
And get addicted to buprenorphine or methadone
Which are more addictive than heroin
And don’t help much
But at least they won’t steal your video anymore