Posts Tagged ‘mental’

scream

Back ensconced in ward 8 Bentley Hospital in my flytrap mind

At least I’m with my crazy people

Suicidal ideation with cold claws of depression around my throat

Empathy and cigarettes as I meet the gentle mental

Telling tales of trauma as we lurch toward medication time buoyed by companionship

Memories of their voices

‘She was born a heroin baby’

‘I took an overdose of Valium and a shitload of antidepressants’

‘I tried to kill myself twice’

‘I wish I was dead’

‘I tried to hang myself with a sheet and the nurse found me’

People rendered fragile by the viscous blender of earth

Some think us hopelessly broken

We balance madness and sanity in our brains sometimes madness wins

Medication time, medication time

Drugs are shuffled by doctors and dolled out to wild-eyed victims of the societal meat-grinder

Titration of pills and prescriptions to quell anxiety, depression and delusion

Uppers, downers, round and rounders

Anti-psychotics, anti-depressants and heavenly benzodiazepenes

Then we sit outside in the courtyard to smoke to punctuate our day

Sharing cigarettes with noble depressives or exploring thought projection with shamanic schizophrenics

We dance a devilish dance in a rain of paranoia

Until it all becomes too much

We are sad, we are sometimes shattered

Sometimes hard to love

But we laugh and we smile too

Then howl out the agony of our souls

We will keep trying

To get our heads together

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muse

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale calm

Exhale karma

Floating in a moment like a bubble

Not worrying about the future

Not mulling over the past

No longer catastrophizing

Inhale calm

Exhale karma

Peace exudes from mental pores

Neurons settle and synchronize into music

Relaxing into a confident place

Feeling at ease and coherent

Rivers of breath channel  a mellow brain

Guiding mind to crystalline lake where ripples fade

So that it may be at peace

the-she-wolf

Twisted down and broken

Maddened and unopened

I take my time

Mired in slime

From the moment

Into the meat of each echo of the moment

 

Howling bone

Couple of cones

Dead weight daydreams

Silent death screams

Being gentle with myself

Cut out the super-critical conscience

Look at the evidence for negative self-talk

Rest and let the spirit run

Through fields of daffodils

Like a stallion

 

alone boy - original size

 

Cone of chilli powder
Boot in guts
Laughter at your expense
Shoved off your feet
Punched in the face
Shaven head immersed in alcohol
Gonad paralysis
Mental misfire
Tumours in soul
Knife in eyeball

It is important not to make loneliness and romantic failure your identity
Like a coat of woe over your personality
Which emits doom and darkness
Life will not reach out and grab you
A horrible scene
Prophecy of subterranean madness
Rubber man
Plastic man
Strip off your paranoia like shitty underpants
Before you die in a puddle of self-deprecation
Hiding in corners like a spider or a gecko
Just observing passively
Because afraid anxious confused
Sometimes it’s hard to find the right thing to say
So I remain silent as a sphynx

10028179-Close-up-of-a-smoking-cigarettes-in-a-stack-Stock-Photo

Time like cigarettes
Measuring out moments of tedium and trial
Just existing
Sometimes seems difficult
Watching television
To quiet suicidal ideation
Decaying cognition
Corrupted cogitation
Stinking thinking
All around the rubbish piles up
‘Cos I can’t be bothered cleaning up
Or have some mental block about it
Any woman would be frightened away
I’m going to die festering in my own filth

stonedcharlie

Overcome, she lowers her tear-soaked eyes
Her painful soul is in shadows
Her hooligan heart hurts as if wounded physically
‘You’re always fucked up on drugs’ she says
‘I don’t know who you are anymore’ she says
‘I’m me. Just chemically enhanced’
He replies with a grin
‘Well I’ve had enough of it’ she says
‘You’re never really there,
You’re always out of your head.
I don’t want to see you anymore.’
His words stumble like a creek over rocks
‘But I love you’ he says
‘I don’t love you’ she replies
‘You’re just another stoner freak’
An image full of feeling flashes on his mental screen of her naked and curled up against his body.
The swell of her buttocks against his loins
Gone all gone
He is day-dreaming of that feeling of safeness and synergy, not sex
She glares then turns on her heel and exits the room slamming the door behind her
A tear runs down his cheek.
But he can’t show her what he feels
He can’t show himself what he feels
So he hides his love away
And gets stoned

voices
He hears
He hears
Voices in his head
In his head
Voices from inside
Voices from his mental address
Not like the voices from outside
Pleading voices
Begging voices
Commanding voices deciding choices
Voices in his head
Map out his road through life
Forbid actions
Permit actions
Voices in his head
Voices
In his head
To tell him what to do
If he ever wondered what to do
Might be the spirits of dead ancestors
Or passing demons sweeping out of desert places
Voices
Voices
In his head
In his head
He hears voices in his head
Like a mystical mental radio
Like a repeating verbal collage
He hears voices in his head

shaman-1

Always madness knocking at the door
Unmedicated schizophrenics sucking up my time
Rambling to themselves while staring in the mirror
Muttering inflammatory rhetoric and racism
Denying that they have any mental illness
Telling me that the CIA and the NBN are reading their brainwaves
Telling me that there are messages for them in the ads in X-presss
Telling me that the whole planet is being monitored and controlled by the Masons
Convinced that their medication is poison

But these are God’s children
And we must love them no matter how annoying they may be
In tribal societies they would be shaman
With one foot in the spirit world and one foot in reality
Hearing spirit voices and interpreting them for the tribe
Going on mystic journeys accompanied by spirit animals
Speaking in poetry
Mystifying and incandescent

We used to fill them full of anti-psychotics and sit them in corner
Increasingly now they roam free
Sometimes mystifying and inspiring, sometimes annoying and repetitive
Sometimes even dangerous to themselves or others
But they definitely make the world a more interesting place

crazy

Come all you twiddlers at the edges of sanity
Come all you cases, you syndromes, you diagnoses
Come all you students of advertising for secret messages
Come all you crazies, you weirdos, you saints, you martyrs
Don’t be afraid of your aromatic nuttiness
And take it all a bit too far
Dance in the mud on magic mushrooms while angels dance in your hair
Nod of in a corner on immaculate Thai white smack
Smoke rock and get a tattoo of a Wookie
Thrive on the helium atmosphere of pixie dust perversion
Hit on your nurses and steal other peoples’ medication
Baste your bottoms in cream cheese and stuff that monkey full of plums
Until it feels more real than sanity knows while your madness grows

Beat down the bushes around your consciousness and let your spirits soar in infinite space
Because now is the time and this is the place

past

You’re caught in a past time-loop – a fly in a spider-web
Regurgitate, regurgitate
Examine your mental vomit for carrot chunks of sanity
Over and over again
Regurgitate, regurgitate
Relationships knotted in shit-flavoured spaghetti
Over and over again
Reading random papers in search of gnostic secrets
Regurgitate, regurgitate
Excavation of everything in memory for malice
Over and over again
Memory-films on continuous repeat
Paranoia builds
Stupid really