Posts Tagged ‘mind’

insomnia

 

When I can’t sleep random thoughts rush through my head

Sometimes sad, sometimes suicidal, sometimes silly

When I can’t sleep I try to meditate instead

Which helps a little but I still feel frustrated

When I can’t sleep I count sheep or breaths or thoughts

To try to sooth my mind and regulate my mood

When I can’t sleep I post on Facebook that I can’t sleep

To try to elicit sympathy and likes

When I can’t sleep

I grumble and groan like grumpy grandpa

And give the shits to everyone I meet

Because I get so agitated and anxious

When I can’t sleep I stay up all night listening to RTR FM

Or read a book

When I can’t sleep the cogs in my brain crunch and creaks

When I can’t sleep the beat of the blood brain barrier is deafening

When I can’t sleep I jerk off to relax

But I never do

When I can’t sleep my head feels like it’s full of glue

Which is neither strange nor new

Instead lost and askew

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vortex

 

Through a vortex of spinning stars forming light circles- concentric tunnels rotating

A kaleidoscope evoking fallen feelings- a hall of mirrors reflecting a multiverse of images of beautiful aliens

Take me disappearing down the tube to nowhere- blatant and absorbed in self but maybe somehow cool

With no particular means of conveyance besides mind and passions remembered in jackhammer japes

With no dead density of delusions besides the naturally paranoid- each arcane moment replays then fades

Animus assails me as I blunder down life’s crooked path of unpredictability- random rivers of events ebb and flow

Hyper hijinks shatter depression and good companions ease the path towards the sunset of death

Hurricane love is a daydream  that echoes through brain like ripples in a pond – opening out into flagrant blooms of neurotransmitters

 

Implicit conversations and traumatic tattling down octopus internet meme war bubbles

No sleep without dreaming almost believing never conceiving what might be afoot

No more Mogadon madness from depths of sleep

Feeling artificial like a plastic rose

Plumbing the interior and finding deadly dirt

Caressed by Abilify to chill the mood icicle cold

Catch enthusiasm from air like moths

Magnify good vibes

And to never wilt

Persist

muse

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale calm

Exhale karma

Floating in a moment like a bubble

Not worrying about the future

Not mulling over the past

No longer catastrophizing

Inhale calm

Exhale karma

Peace exudes from mental pores

Neurons settle and synchronize into music

Relaxing into a confident place

Feeling at ease and coherent

Rivers of breath channel  a mellow brain

Guiding mind to crystalline lake where ripples fade

So that it may be at peace

a1

A just but cruel Angel pulsates as bone is broken and minds ripped open

A tortured assassin waits for the warp and weft of the world to untangle

A frenzied demon cuts throats ad infinitum in hell

Things are not well

Out of sync, caustic and crapulent

Cryptic moments flicker-framed in twilight

Slow-motion mind-meld with the detritus of existence

Mysterious esoteric forces at work

Lockstep illusion production to mystify the arcane world

Lurkers and little green men planning our movements

In intricate patterns

It’s all mapped out man

Determinism

americanrestoration

I wish I was a real man

Like those guys on American Restoration

I wish I was more Nick Cave and less Clive Palmer

I wish I could drink all night and throw up in the morning like Bukowski

But I’m not a badass

I’m not alpha

I lack the social skills to pick up women in a bar

I lack the drive to dominate and subjugate

I have a feeling I lack testosterone

Can men and women really be friends?

Just because you want to fuck someone

Doesn’t mean you don’t respect them

In fact you probably respect them more through idealisation

Imagining them on a pedestal

Beautiful unobtainable woman

Forever in my mind

I’d be happy with the friendzone

Just to spend some time in your orbit

Gorgeous bodacious babe

 

images-7

Do your thoughts ever surprise you?

Do they rise up like sharks from you unconscious and bite you in two?

Rendering you paralyzed with fear and paranoia

Are there sweaty poisonous thoughts subtle as ferrets that eat you up from the inside?

Or wild roller-coaster thoughts that trip your skull out to the edge

Do they come as voices and gibber and gape in your cranium?

Telling you to kill yourself or someone else

Don’t do it

Chill the fuck out

It’s just an illusion of the mind

 

Curtin_T.L._Robertson_Library

Campus is quiet as I walk through this time of year
Still an assortment of unobtainable, and unbelievably beautiful young women
To flash a glance and then look away
So I don’t freak them out with my desperate eyes
Lots of dodgy sculptures that cost the Uni a lot of money
Grass but not enough trees
Various concrete and brick monstrosities to walk around
My heart is heavy and death is not far away
Like I’m hanging from a cliff
I pass the library and head up the path through the amphitheatre
Turn the corner then I’m at the OT building
Pushing my troubles into recesses of my mind,
I head into work

abstracty1

tobacco mind dissolving in lime-green toxins
every mistake a corrupted jungle of agony
through the doorway
befuddling flickers on retina
slink through with melancholy

cathedrals of kaleidoscopic light
candle-shine moments of iridescence
cellophane flower colours bleed pastel refractions

marred images of virgin maidens
through tangerine spectacles

hypnotized into swine madness
mouths red with sweet wine
breasts proud and perky

in this marrow genesis.
rebel breasts laid by smack dictatorship
fields of rubber asses upturned to greet the night

murder a Sabbath of martyrdom
carbon monoxide oven breath

fabulous squirming maggots in half-light
smoking virgins for Christ

no serenity shrouds this eel brained autocracy
crucified phosphorescence swells anxiety

literary Europe blazing with azure fire
poison beat on heavenly stained glass windows

rictus insect behind neurons
images of a shocked sea
frog green with melancholy

stoned intellect suffuses
green alien happiness

Fractal reptiles
Never open neurons
Of crystal chrysalis sleep

bone tail and shell,
build affectations

spider intake
vulgar toxins
My skull fable bloated with madmen
In the haze of Time
.
simian paralytic
pelting shrapnel purple
morbid consequences
blood-red pulsating monster of energy
ant-brained whirligig

the murder beats a crocodile rhythm
heads bursts
insane with beast tales
of fabulous nightmare lips

multiplying mushrooms spring from a corpse
a dealer for every bent skeleton
that wobbles bones
melancholic around Perth

scandal in marrow
spark-light flicker madness
night predators slay consciousness

poison chrysalis
nipples pointed in the night garden
metastasize
to delectable stoned woman

she sought Eden in the void
And heaven in a grain of wheat
Hopelessly, hopelessly

and the meat rhythm makes a pox of smoke
.
his mortal image on a cross
Night-time maggot armies
Make new legends

Rebel dance of light
full vegetable as a Bible,

open head fungus
wobbly images from nightmares
smoking wit
Eden is alright tonight

Near a certain Jericho

Walls fall
Trumpets blare
The blind conspire

empathy clouds meat head beat

rumbling guy drinks breasts to dregs

sweethearts sense bedazzling bulbous mountains

mystifying vibrations rapture brainwaves
20 mill shot then roam the night
beating Urizen to self destruction
eyes realize what brains synthesize

psychedelic messages from the heart of a demon-god
syringe of ice immaculate into vein
pharmacological music broadcasts bloodlike awareness

monitored conscious reading on
inflammatory creative afternoons
suffer plaster mountains of cancer
another shot into the saint vein

leafy spirit slithers to a realm beyond anti-psychotics
listen to my mind blur images
through opaque windows
under the Boab tree

intricate salvation
green succulent voices
a mind-bath most pleasing

cocktail-effect transient stare
incandescent self destruction
muttering measures of death

increasingly nothing rocks my world
a naked child with wings angelic
says blood-rivers flow like death-stench

ancient god Urizen has balls of brass and an iron-plated ass
blood infected abcesses of pain
locked in the overflow post-medication nightmare

Urizen strains in the dissonant mirror
electro-chemical squatting
angry schizophrenic God fire

candy surging consciousness
tastes sweet like boiled lollies
tingling beats across brainwaves
mind-matrices intricate and replicated

Urizen sucks Dopamine
these preconceptions challenge our walk through existence
speed like rush to nowhere
conniving a shot from a mystifying syringe
earth-quake inspiration forms a new kind of radio

failing spirits lurk ethereally
free medication vibration
reality for my molecules

the soul unmedicated
knows a meat madness of spirit
dead lord of bentness

tribal veins pump my brain
impaled on a cross
pierced for kicks

 

burrendah

Burrendah Primary School in the outer suburb of Willetton in Perth
New plants- short stubby bushes and asbestos clad buildings still in primary colours
Kids in maroon uniforms- swarms of little boys and girls

The little blonde boy stands alone in the withering wind in the undercover area
The Fremantle doctor has come in again
Pole straight he stares into the cold steel pylon, hiding behind it from the other children
Willing the school day to end

Oh infinite aching solitude
Oh twisted random mind
Churning full of white noise
No other children talk to him
Except the bully who pushes him over so he scrapes his knee on the bitumen

When he gets home he is happy
Immersed in the rich private world of his toys
His parents never know how he suffers
Like John of the Cross in a box