Lost

Lost in the harridan night

The girl with the cat-eyes is dying inside

Her body wasted by drug abuse

Her affections for sale

Her heart kind and pure

Still a nice person

But dying inside

Still a good friend

But dying inside

Still a sweet companion

But dying inside

We smoke cannabis

We smoke cannabis

It’s so good for us

Pull another cone

And get really stoned

Have a shot of smack

And get really wacked

Do some LSD

Then some ecstacy

Please stay off the ice

It’s not very nice

I like doing drugs

Sometimes I see bugs

Tripping out my head

I will soon be dead

Pre-rejection jitter-bug blues

Because you’re gorgeous
And I’m old and fat
Because you’re a wonderful woman
And I’m a corrupt middle-aged man
Because you’re an indelible arrow in my heart
And I’m a drug-ravaged cliché
Because you know all the cool new bands
And I’m stuck in the nineties
Because you’re nubile and radiant
And I’m corpulent and a bit of downer
Because you’re a heavenly angel
And I’m a horrible toad
And I’m not sure if I’ll turn into a prince
Even if you kiss me
Because you’re rapidly transmogrifying into a goddess in my mind
Sacred projection of my anima
So high above and so lovely
But this is not healthy
You want a man, not a worshipper
So I postpone and procrastinate
About telling you
How much you mean to me
And just try to be friends
But not in a passive-aggressive ‘Nice-Guy’ way
Because I know the answer to the song of my heart
Will be no

Why don’t the nice girls like me?

Why don’t the nice girls like me?
Because I have a big bulbous belly full of beer?
Because I have the social skills of an abalone?
Why don’t the nice girls like me?
Because I am not confident?
Because I am not sexy?
Why don’t the nice girls like me?
Because I smoke too much pot and write about it?
Because I let my guinea pigs crap in my bed?
Why don’t the nice girls like me?
Because I stare at their breasts instead of their eyes-
Even if it’s only for an instant?
Because I want them so much it hurts?
Why don’t the nice girls like me?
Because I’m always forgetting to clean the toilet?
Because, sad to say, I need to work on my personal hygiene?
That’s enough reasons I think-
Who can blame them?