Posts Tagged ‘rejection’

depression

The crackle of clumsiness

As I attempt to communicate

While drunk as Boris Yeltsin

And only end up freaking women out

And being that creepy guy

That incel waste of space exuding desperation

When I was just trying to be friendly

And not trying

To get into their pants

Or at least trying not to think about it

Or look like I was thinking about it

After the first rejection

Comes the second

And that’s okay

It’s after the hundredth rejection in a row

When not even looking for anything sexual

That the depression really sets in

Like a cancer of the brain

bluebird

Dark mystic loneliness only a woman can touch
Lurks down awe-inducing corridors where every door leads to rejection
By rivers of unrequited love
Find it buried beneath my heart’s core
Wreathed in soil of unconscious surrealist id-mind
Tattooed to human nature by evolution for eons
My Libido
Incognito
A holographic image of a dying bird with patches of moth-eaten blue feathers
Fitting spasmodically
Tweeting pathetically then
Caressing death
Over and again infinitely
In a fractured you-tube loop
Recurring
Recurring
And Death’s bony fingers
Are clenched into a fist
As his teeth knit a grimace
And my genes scream in my inner ear
Breed or die!
Breed or die!
Breed or die!

moonlight-lovers-wallpaper
The serious moonlight silvers the illuminated surfaces, leaving the shadows where I lurk, and watch the lovers,
Shades of grey, shades of blue, images of a darker hue, much is concealed, little revealed.
Lovers meet in the oscillating night-time luminescence, words of love are spoken to the infinite dark, passion seethes in the absence of the sun.
Meeting at corners, and under pergolas, at parks and at the doorstep.
Oh to be close, to have lovers’ secrets and a realm all our own which we create with our words and gestures.
What bliss to be joined together for what seems at the moment an eternity, feeling happy and complete, dancing to the same tune!
To exist as an entity with an ‘and’ in the middle, a couple, a pairing, a dyad, a twosome.
And yet it can all decompose so easily, leaving me broken apart again, destitute and lonely because I have an actual experience to compare my present state to.
Pictures and images of time together shutter by my mind’s eye and confuse me in a delicious reverie, pictures of us together are like songs that stick in your mind so you can’t get rid of them.
Lonely again and howling at the memory of making love, overcome with the emptiness at the base of my soul, with mortality sucking my bones for marrow.
But things are looking up. It’s ladies night.