Posts Tagged ‘sleep’

insomnia

 

When I can’t sleep random thoughts rush through my head

Sometimes sad, sometimes suicidal, sometimes silly

When I can’t sleep I try to meditate instead

Which helps a little but I still feel frustrated

When I can’t sleep I count sheep or breaths or thoughts

To try to sooth my mind and regulate my mood

When I can’t sleep I post on Facebook that I can’t sleep

To try to elicit sympathy and likes

When I can’t sleep

I grumble and groan like grumpy grandpa

And give the shits to everyone I meet

Because I get so agitated and anxious

When I can’t sleep I stay up all night listening to RTR FM

Or read a book

When I can’t sleep the cogs in my brain crunch and creaks

When I can’t sleep the beat of the blood brain barrier is deafening

When I can’t sleep I jerk off to relax

But I never do

When I can’t sleep my head feels like it’s full of glue

Which is neither strange nor new

Instead lost and askew

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depression2

There is a terrible inevitability to this day and the next

Get up, do some random shit, feel unsatisfied

Do some more shit, fantasize about unobtainable women,

Wank, feel unsatisfied

Say something stupid, feel embarrassed

Go back to bed, feel unsatisfied

Try to sleep

Fail to sleep

And suffering goes on and on

As things continue to go wrong

Everyone everywhere has their own special variety of bullshit to deal with

Tedious repetition

Iteration after iteration

Until death

depression

Too much hate

Too much pain

Not enough love

Suffering again

 

Too many victims

Too many lies

Fucked up system

Innocence fried

 

More misery drifts in

Like acid rain

Eating out the body

No memory remains

 

Sinking in self pity

Feeling like a creep

Can’t take it anymore

Yet again can’t sleep

 

How much longer

Enveloped in dirt

Sunk below a graveyard

At least it doesn’t hurt

 

Next Day

Posted: October 12, 2017 in poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

valium_tablet__i2006e0134_disp

Piggelie on valium and weed was a very happy Piggelie

Oh the schemes he’d weave and the phosphorescent day-glo phantasms that lurked in his brain box

He felt capable of anything as all anxiety had gone

He felt more human and less tired from the wretched night before where no sleep was possible

He felt he could have a loving relationship with a human female well, for an instant

He felt this would not be possible until he lost 30 kg

sleep

Damn sleepless night

Head cramping

Legs restless

Frustration growing

Have a wank

An hour later still can’t sleep

Listening to music- triple J and RTR

Surfing across stations in search of calm vibes

Frustration growing

Trying to self-sooth to sleep with mantras, incantations diaphragmatic breathing

Waiting, waiting, waiting

Should I count sheep or guinea pigs?

But just can’t get there

Frustration growing

Get up

Read a book

Damn eyes are going

Can’t read the print

A curse on all people who sleep easily

A wish for some seriously strong sleeping pills

A fantasy of gnarly benzodiazepines

Mogadon me baby

Now, now, now

Fuck this shit

Fuck this shit

Fuck this shit

15741234_10202780203183056_6937086022069738913_n

Feeling slippery ponderous
Fever soaked and paranoid
Not anticipating any anxiety or downward momentum
Deep down to the point of side ways
But aching for synchrony with some being in the stars
Not losing sleep over it
Not persisting for long
Not bursting with intolerance
Sometimes the thought emerges
Like a toad from a pond
And I am overwhelmed
At the thought of all those aliens watching me
Watching them

man-sleep-apnea-using-cpap-machine-18586450

 

When I’m alone in my head

Possum headed and cosy

Ready for my voyage through the night

Willing on dreams

Of naked women and beer

And vast swaying fields of marijuana

Wishing and waiting on sleep

RTR on the radio

Some weird disconnected hip hop spoken word extravaganza

Loaded up on psych drugs

Name yourself

Critical unit

Bloated man

Cliched stoner

Madman magnet

Smelly hippy

But in dreams

Not

ice-smoking

Empty light-bulb
Diamond blast clarity
Sky-rocketing head-rush
Crystal frenzy
Thick white smoke
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale

Soaring forehead to sky white bliss
Angels kiss my beard above the clouds
Googly eyes popping
Feeling funky like a monkey
Feeling fried brain tai-dyed
Towering ego over clouds
Impervious to sleep
Impervious to hunger
Churning jaw
Too much fun
So against the law

succubus_full

languidly he lies in bed
triumphant conquests history
sweaty nights of frenzied sleeplessness
alone in an empty bed with his filth
inside hollow inside dead
shit-stained sheets
cum-stained doona
morbid laughter lines of sorrow in sheet wrinkles
gallons of insomnia
rivers of awakening
a presence at the end of the bed sits pensively
incubus succubus
dead within and without
translucent spirit
crouching to pounce lasciviously
and assimilate
sleep-body to ghost-particles
the horror
translate to intricate aramaic utterances
the horror
sucking out the sauce of life
vacuum soul ether-pump frenzy then
dead-weight adorns the rotten mattress
bloated corspse-flesh
decomposing to maggot-mush
and onward unto bone
once again alone

insanity (1)

So deranged and kind of strange
So hard to try to rearrange
Bent and twisted out of place
Always I am off my face
When I’m aching in the wind
The bind that twists the bind that cuts
I’ve never felt quite so alive
Until I saw your midnight smile
Maybe we can wait a while
Now you’re gone from dropping pills
You cut yourself off from all who knew you
Never woke from sleep
And died alone
While I try to rearrange
The vampires that bend my brain
Into some sort of order
Take stock of my paranoia
Call my very indulgent employer
Stare out into infinite space
I will never know my place
Like you in death I am alone
I think I’ll have another cone