Posts Tagged ‘soul’

skull

When you do drugs and get to middle age you lose friends

Dead friends haunt my dreams as creeping spectres

Dead friends are a tragedy of blood

Dead friends are like nails through my limbs

Dead friends are like migraines in my brain

Dead friends are holy to my spirit

Dead friends remind me I am mortal

Dead friends are ripping me apart

Can’t stop thinking about them

Their ghosts howl through my consciousness like harpies

Oscillating upwards from my reptile brain

Ned hung himself after doing speed for two weeks

Doug OD’d on heroin

Michelle died in a diabetic coma

Lee died of a heart attack

Don’t know how Venetta died

So many ghosts encircle me

Grief and sorrow punch a hole through my soul

But I will remember these faithful companions on the road to annihilation

 

metallic

Steel soul rusting

Copper asshole sucks and blows

Clank and crank like an ancient train

Robotic rot

Metallic plate cancer

Metastasizes

Into corrupt and delusional alloys

All over the place and in your face

A paranoid work-droid

Buzzing and whirring a rich vein

Like a spinning top

Flipped out and loaded

Rusty and corroded

Never quite achieving togetherness

Shattering into scrap

Getting into crap

images-5

Hanging out in underpasses, beard resplendent- your Hawaiian shirt bringing down the psychometric city

Dancing down pavements with your hash-pipe in your pocket

Dressing up as a spooky clown to freak out suburban natives

Mellowing out under a tree in vibrant sunlight with your heart full of love

Marrowing the meat of the moment like a pilgrim on the way to the abyss

Are you my angel?

Are you my woman?

Infinite gladness paints plasticine fractals from life

Diadems sparkle like schizophrenic stars

While muscles relax problems contract

Gonna be alright daylight transcending midday melancholy

Under purple skies, pastel balloons soar like birds

Sun smiles on tie-dyed moments illumining faint tracings

Perfect day blazing sensual sentiments

Peace of the soul for humankind

When dreams are confessed

Love becomes manifest

psychotic-disorder-945

Last time I stopped taking my antipsychotics

I felt a bit weird and anxious

And started getting obsessed with the rantings of pick-up artists on the internet

I was convinced by their bullshit that I could emulate an Alpha male

I tried picking up every woman I met

And got progressively crazier every day

Antipsychotics make me fat but they also keep me sane

Toxic masculinity belted through my veins

My pores oozed fuck juice

Not a good situation

So I went back on my medication

And started to mellow out a bit

Now I think about beautiful women all the time

But I can control my impulses

515d2d0d96eced1f305e854bdf102a64

You were the one with your brain of bone
You lie and you lie like a corpse in the grave
You steal and you cheat
Drugged-up delinquent
Haphazard hooligan
ADHD criminal
Don’t crunch my gonads
Don’t pollute my peace with your perversion
Don’t steal my shit, fuckwit
Look at yourself
Peak out of your poison mind like a craven turtle
Look at all the bad karma you generate
Do these words penetrate your alcoholic confusion
Enough to perforate your sump pump soul?
Don’t steal my piggies
Don’t beat me
Don’t pick on me
You in your dirty shot world with your perverted entitled personality
And victim mentality
With your tedious anecdotes of violence and oppression
Fuck you and your collection of dirty fits
Fuck you and your drug induced bionic paranoia
Fuck you and your painful polka-dot hallucinations
Fuck you and your endless addictive attitudes
Fuck you and your Jim Beam T-shirt and boganesque enthusiasms
You and your facebook friends can fuck off
Fuck you very much

 

alone boy - original size

 

Cone of chilli powder
Boot in guts
Laughter at your expense
Shoved off your feet
Punched in the face
Shaven head immersed in alcohol
Gonad paralysis
Mental misfire
Tumours in soul
Knife in eyeball

It is important not to make loneliness and romantic failure your identity
Like a coat of woe over your personality
Which emits doom and darkness
Life will not reach out and grab you
A horrible scene
Prophecy of subterranean madness
Rubber man
Plastic man
Strip off your paranoia like shitty underpants
Before you die in a puddle of self-deprecation
Hiding in corners like a spider or a gecko
Just observing passively
Because afraid anxious confused
Sometimes it’s hard to find the right thing to say
So I remain silent as a sphynx

stonedcharlie

Overcome, she lowers her tear-soaked eyes
Her painful soul is in shadows
Her hooligan heart hurts as if wounded physically
‘You’re always fucked up on drugs’ she says
‘I don’t know who you are anymore’ she says
‘I’m me. Just chemically enhanced’
He replies with a grin
‘Well I’ve had enough of it’ she says
‘You’re never really there,
You’re always out of your head.
I don’t want to see you anymore.’
His words stumble like a creek over rocks
‘But I love you’ he says
‘I don’t love you’ she replies
‘You’re just another stoner freak’
An image full of feeling flashes on his mental screen of her naked and curled up against his body.
The swell of her buttocks against his loins
Gone all gone
He is day-dreaming of that feeling of safeness and synergy, not sex
She glares then turns on her heel and exits the room slamming the door behind her
A tear runs down his cheek.
But he can’t show her what he feels
He can’t show himself what he feels
So he hides his love away
And gets stoned

succubus_full

languidly he lies in bed
triumphant conquests history
sweaty nights of frenzied sleeplessness
alone in an empty bed with his filth
inside hollow inside dead
shit-stained sheets
cum-stained doona
morbid laughter lines of sorrow in sheet wrinkles
gallons of insomnia
rivers of awakening
a presence at the end of the bed sits pensively
incubus succubus
dead within and without
translucent spirit
crouching to pounce lasciviously
and assimilate
sleep-body to ghost-particles
the horror
translate to intricate aramaic utterances
the horror
sucking out the sauce of life
vacuum soul ether-pump frenzy then
dead-weight adorns the rotten mattress
bloated corspse-flesh
decomposing to maggot-mush
and onward unto bone
once again alone

mystifying vibrations rapture brainwaves
20 mill shot then roam the night
beating Urizen to self destruction
eyes realize what brains synthesize

psychedelic messages from the heart of a demon-god
syringe of ice immaculate into vein
pharmacological music broadcasts bloodlike awareness

monitored conscious reading on
inflammatory creative afternoons
suffer plaster mountains of cancer
another shot into the saint vein

leafy spirit slithers to a realm beyond anti-psychotics
listen to my mind blur images
through opaque windows
under the Boab tree

intricate salvation
green succulent voices
a mind-bath most pleasing

cocktail-effect transient stare
incandescent self destruction
muttering measures of death

increasingly nothing rocks my world
a naked child with wings angelic
says blood-rivers flow like death-stench

ancient god Urizen has balls of brass and an iron-plated ass
blood infected abcesses of pain
locked in the overflow post-medication nightmare

Urizen strains in the dissonant mirror
electro-chemical squatting
angry schizophrenic God fire

candy surging consciousness
tastes sweet like boiled lollies
tingling beats across brainwaves
mind-matrices intricate and replicated

Urizen sucks Dopamine
these preconceptions challenge our walk through existence
speed like rush to nowhere
conniving a shot from a mystifying syringe
earth-quake inspiration forms a new kind of radio

failing spirits lurk ethereally
free medication vibration
reality for my molecules

the soul unmedicated
knows a meat madness of spirit
dead lord of bentness

tribal veins pump my brain
impaled on a cross
pierced for kicks

 

Crazy with a straitjacket in a Psychiatric

I wonder what it would be like to have a wife
I wonder this a lot until the meme eats into my brain and repeats continuously
What would it be like
What would it be like
To have someone to listen to my bullshit
And tell me that everything will be okay when I’m depressed
Someone to tell me that she loves me when it seems like rabid wookies are at the door
When the schizophrenics gibber and the bipolars polarize
When the autistics discuss their interests and the learning disabled drool
She would be there for me
When the dominant males preen and the poets dream
When the vicious harridans howl and the posers pontificate
She would be there for me
Every person needs a companion
Say the cold fingers of genetic fate around my throat
My soul screams for unity in togetherness
My soul howls for love

If I had a wife
I would insert the words ‘my wife’ into myriad sentences
Like women always insert the words ‘my boyfriend’ or ‘my husband’ when they’re talking to me
Just so I think they’re taken whether they’re single or not and I don’t have a chance in hell
I’d say things like
My wife has a stomach ache
and
My wife loves to eat peaches
or
My wife is a divine angel of pure light and her breasts smell like strawberries
or
My wife gave me a most excellent blow-job this morning and now the whole universe sparkles with possibilities

Somewhere between divine and human
Loved forever no matter how much this crazy world longs for the abyss
She will be my soul mate and my partner in crime
My dearest confidante and my gorgeous honey-darling
My antithesis and my synthesis
I wonder if she’s out there now
Locked up in some kafkaesque insane asylum tied down on a stretcher, overdosing on anti-psychotics
I might channel Sean Connery’s James Bond and go and rescue her
If only I knew where she was
Or if she even exists