Posts Tagged ‘suicide’

amplitude

Such depth of amplitude

Pelican frequencies modulating

Width of surprise wide in your eyes when you’re fried

Take it backwards through the moonlight within eddies of your mind

Take it roughly, take it slowly,

Crap it out of your behind

Then disappear into indolence

Or wish to be enveloped

By suicide succubus love

Drag me down

Aching with sorrow

Aiming to crystallize

Imaginary fear

Into attention

And compassion

But failing

Flagrantly

 

10028179-Close-up-of-a-smoking-cigarettes-in-a-stack-Stock-Photo

Time like cigarettes
Measuring out moments of tedium and trial
Just existing
Sometimes seems difficult
Watching television
To quiet suicidal ideation
Decaying cognition
Corrupted cogitation
Stinking thinking
All around the rubbish piles up
‘Cos I can’t be bothered cleaning up
Or have some mental block about it
Any woman would be frightened away
I’m going to die festering in my own filth

kurt_cobain
Tell Mum and Dad this is not their fault
They always loved me
But it was not enough
They couldn’t protect me from jocks, surfs, and other dickheads
I can’t take it anymore
This life is an emotional cesspool
This life is a hailstorm of razors
This life is a cannibalistic dystopia
This life is a napalm bubble bath
This life is eating the flesh of a new born baby
This life is spider eggs in the brain
This life is a pus-filled cyst the size of a tennis ball
There is no hope of finding someone to love me
I will not live if I cannot be loved

To my fellow outsiders, freaks and weirdos
You who lurk on the fringes of humanity
And feel a poison chill of loneliness down your spine
Find some reason to live if you can
But if you can’t
Then suicide is the ultimate in existential self-actualization
A transcendent ‘fuck you’ to the Cosmos
It has a certain wounded glamour

To all those who persecuted me
You were right
I was a waste of breath
I was a waste of life
I was a waste of strength it took to beat me up
I was a waste of time it took to reject me

Now I will fling myself from the bell-tower
And stretch my arms out like birds’ wings as I enter the maw of eternity
Splat!!

Scrape me off pavement
Into jars of minced misshapen misfit
Catalogue by components
Calculate viscosity
Then bury deep in the earth
You won’t miss me when I’m gone
May I be a forgotten footnote in extensive life-scripts
Of more attractive human beings

Death Part 2

Posted: February 1, 2015 in poetry
Tags: , , , , ,

grimreaper
I wish I was dead
I’m going to get out of my head
One rejection doesn’t hurt, A thousand does
I wish I was dead
You meant every word that you said
Everyone my age and younger is married and breeding
I wish I was dead
I’d love to get out of my head
I’m going to die of alcohol poisoning in a cheap hotel room
I wish I was dead
I’ve got to get out of my head
Every night I dream of unobtainable women who mutate into divine feminine archetypes then vanish
I wish I was dead
I smoke till I’m out of my head
No true love across the river Lethe, but no love lost for a ghost
I wish I was dead
I hope I’ve not fucked with your head
I’m peering down the barrel of a twelve gage shotgun, feeling like I’m being sucked into a swirling metal vortex
I wish I was dead
I don’t need to get you in bed
By next week I’m going to be dead in a doorway with a mind full of magic potions
I wish I was dead
I so want to get you in bed
Forgotten forever like a lost marble from childhood
I wish I was dead
I don’t need to get you in bed
First I see a razor blade then I see a river of blood encircling my arm as I slash the meat
I wish I was dead
I believe all the lies that I’m fed
When I was twenty six I took an overdose of vodka and mogadon because women didn’t like me
I wish I was dead
I believe every word that was said
I know I’m not right in the head

Ode to Melancholy

Posted: February 25, 2014 in poetry
Tags: , , , , ,

Depression
An evil time: everything seems shades of grey, the murdering night bears down upon me.
Is there anything more ordinary, ordinary to the extent of pain, than this moment?
It’s pretty bloody average,
Like fingernails on a blackboard.
The dogs howl for me in the streets for I hide under a mighty sorrow,
The muscles in my back twist with my yoke,
Yet I must drag it on forever beside the winding Lethe,
And shriek at the decaying bones on display around me.
The blackest of nights with no whisper of dawn,
Not a glimmer of hope lights my way.
The cruellest of moments is empty and cold,
And antidepressants cannot fathom this blackness;
No Prozac panacea for the man in the moment.
Every dream ends in an embarrassing failure,
And loneliness lurks waiting to pounce in the blackness.
Why do I have to be this way?
Worms eat my wooden tongue and tumble over into any possibility of tomorrow,
They suck puss through viaducts of longing as they eat their fill.
Each breath is cloying and wasted,
Every exhale is into a vacuum and to no effect.
Cold metal stone permeates every conversation:
No empathy, when all that is needed is empathy.
And even if they would listen,
No-one understands .
Withering poison wind knocks down every impulse to praise or laugh.
The end will come with barely a whisper.
The end will come with vodka and Mogadon.